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2-1-2022

 fuck being alone

fuck the idea that nobody can bear the thought of being around you

fuck the people that push you away

fuck the ones that never gave you a chance

fuck the painful reminder that you'll never be normal

fuck never having anyone that ever made you feel wanted

fuck being alone

***

is it cell phones, the distraction to keep you from doing the very thing it was created for?

hide away in the shadow of comfort as you watch the world leaves you behind

creating the fantasy that the pieces will fall into place for you, only to be let down because you were afraid or didn't know how to try

left alone for so long that anything normal makes you think you're insane

lonliness is a painful thing i wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy

you can be beaten, torn to shreds inside and out,

but as long as you have a friend, as long as youm have a family to lean on, you can heal from anything

if you have no one, all you can do is beat yourself up, destroy yourself from the inside out until there's nothing left.

***

maybe it's why i'm a writer, so i can describe the pain of true loneliness

***

it's funny, the irony of isolation

you long for someone, anyone to talk to

but it's been so long since you've talked to anyone that everything comes off as weird or off putting

it pushes away anyone you try talking to

it reminds you why you're destined to be alone

so you return home to silence

and stare blankly at your phone and hope that maybe this month, maybe this year, someone might check in on you

someone might notice that you aren't okay. someone might ask you what's wrong

but even then, all you can mutter is an "i'm fine"

***

all my life the only thing i've ever wanted was to be part of a family

all i've ever wanted was to be normal and live a normal life

why is that too much to ask for?

***

I've been isolated for longer than i can remember

most of the basic things everyone has done, ive never done

the few that i had, the ones we all take for granted, i've never done until i was in my 20s

***

i have nothing

i have no one

***

if nothing changes by next tuesday, i will be no more...

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