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10-30-24

 It's been over a year since my last journal entry. Is that good or bad? Probably neither.

     But as for what I've been up to, the answer is a lot.

    Let me start out by saying that, shortly after my last post, I made a huge step and quit my job of 2 years. The job of a manager for that store was wearing on me. I realized after working in a toxic environment, that I deserved better. I either had the choice of leaving or living that miserable life until I died. I chose the best path for myself.

    After leaving Sonic, I panicked. What was I going to do to make money? I barely had enough to pay rent the following month. I had to act fast.

    I applied at Subway and got the job pretty quickly. Alongside this, while I was in between jobs, I was streaming on Twitch and making videos on YouTube. My plan at the time was to make Subway temporary and try to make my living being a content creator.

    And for a while, it worked out! within 2 weeks of streaming, I was already an Affiliate and could make money with ads. Even now, I'm sitting at 431 followers on Twitch and 577 subscribers on Youtube.

    But the joy of content creation was cut short. To paint my daily routine for you, I'd wake up, stream for 3 hours, work on editing a youtube video before going to work, and I'd close for the night at work. Sometimes it would be in varying orders, but it was still basically the same thing.

    It didn't take long for burnout and overwhelmedness to set in. I found my thoughts scattered. I found I was neglecting things in my daily life. I was a wreck.

    For several months, I tried taking breaks, trying a different streaming schedule, uploading on youtube less frequently. I did everything I could to hide the burnout. I even ended unfeeling slightly better, only to overwhelm myself again!

    For the last few months now, I've been trying to relax and recapture the magic I'd had when I first started streaming, but it didn't feel the same for me. I didn't feel creatively fulfilled.

    At the moment, I have taken a hiatus from youtube and twitch. I'm focusing on myself. I'm reading and going for walks and meditating and redoing 365 horror shorts. I'm taking my time on things in hopes that my mental health will improve.

    So, for myself, I wish you the best. If I come back to writing in the next few months and look back on this, I sincerely hope things have gotten better for you. You are loved.

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