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2-2-2022

 Today is a different one indeed

I didn't write any sort of horror today but that's alright

I have to remind myself that it's alright sometimes

What isn't okay is having a day pass you by where you do nothing but wait for tomorrow

Today was unlike that, today I remembered how to solve a Rubik's Cube

I know the beginner's method I was taught almost 8 years ago

I learned that you can apply it to a 2x2 and solve it easily


Now, why am I saying this? Why need I follow up a suicide note with this?

Simply put, this is a place to set out my writing

There's no difficult planning involved, it's just getting my to write

I am a writer after all


Perhaps I'm making this as a way for me to look back on in a few years and see how far I've come

I may bring the cubes to work tomorrow and practice them

Is this going to be a journal or something more?


In case this is a journal, it snowed today, truly snowed for the first time this winter

It reminds me of what the snow looked like last year

Last year, it kept snowing until it was impossible to travel through

The roads slick, as are the sidewalks

I have to walk out there tomorrow, for I work at 5 in the morning to open


How am I feeling right now? I feel nothing has improved.

I made a deal last night. If I continue to lack anyone to talk to and anything to look forward to, I will end it all

Am I at a distaste for this idea? Not really

Maybe the reason I'm writing this is so that someone can find these and understand why I did what I did

Do I think I'll actually end it all next week? Not really

Suicide is something I've struggled with for nearly 20 years

I know how to battle my demons and come out on top

These entries aren't for tomorrow or the next day

These entries are for the ones who may want to explore my mind

Several years down the line, I can point people to this site so they can understand


Something I learned from Dr Who is, every single person is a rarity in the universe

There is one and only one you. There will never be another

That's important because only you think the way you do

Only you have experienced what you have. You can share it with people

You exist and there will never be another you

Suicide isn't just an easy out, it's a waste of the potential you have

It's a waste of the experiences and skills you have


So what if you think you suck at your job?

So what if people can do things better than you?

Are you them?

Have you experienced the same things as them?

Are the things that are important to you the same for them?

Are you the?

No


If you aren't them, why do you compare yourself?

Jealousy? A lust to become them? To be loved like them?

Why does it matter? 

They are on their own journey with their own struggles

You are on your own journey and haven't come close to meeting it's end


Maybe you aren't meant to have tons of friends because you find the value in each person you meet

You might not know how to talk to people, but you have a creative way to express yourself

You may have a disability that slows you down, but what challenges are truly impossible if you fight?


Challenges are all about overcoming

When were young, we couldn't even spell our own names, now we write them to the point they no longer look like words

As a kid, we could barely walk, or use the restroom alone. Now it's the only option we have

Find something you want to learn and get better at it

It doesn't have to be something to bore you, like learning to ride a bike or reading upside down

It can be anything, learn Sudoku, get better at a game, beat a 2x2 Rubik's cube

Challenge yourself with something you want to do and destroy it

(As long as it isn't bringing physical harm to someone else, please)


That being said, I will write again tomorrow.

Be proud of yourself, you're still alive.

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