Impaired

 Wow, I completely forgot this blog even existed. I recently read through the posts. I was so disjointed. Disjointed, but motivated. In an odd sense of the word.     It's been over two years now since I moved and began living alone. Since then, quite a bit has happened. Where do I begin?     From immediate memory, a few days prior to moving here, I was in the midst of writing 365 Horror Shorts. I gave it a rest after I missed a day. After moving here, I picked it back up and attempted to catch up the days so it looked seamless. Of course, that didn't work. I was writing 3 stories a day and eventually became burnt out.     I wrote short stories every once in a while until I didn't. I shifted over to doing an audio drama called Twisted Curiosities. I got a few episodes in before the show got canceled because the people I hired as voice actors didn't want to submit their voice lines until I kept nagging them.     My latest pr...

 I'm glad to see you smiling because you deserve to smile. Just getting the laughter out and feeling the joy, it's an indescribably fantastic feeling. It's like a warmth has finally been invited into a void of darkness. It's easy to get stolen away by the dark thoughts. Because those thoughts can be powerful. The thoughts distract you with anxieties, and as your attention is stolen away, it pulls you down into the hole that you can't escape from.  I know how tough it is because, for several months, I have been going through this same process of having to battle my own mind in order to maintain a barely functional existence. The battle with my own mind has exhausted me so much that interacting with people the way I want to is almost impossible. And the second guesses and the eyes burning into the back of your head don't help in the slightest. I can't say I have any advice, but sometimes it is okay to not have all of the answers. This is life. You aren't s...

 Today is a different one indeed I didn't write any sort of horror today but that's alright I have to remind myself that it's alright sometimes What isn't okay is having a day pass you by where you do nothing but wait for tomorrow Today was unlike that, today I remembered how to solve a Rubik's Cube I know the beginner's method I was taught almost 8 years ago I learned that you can apply it to a 2x2 and solve it easily Now, why am I saying this? Why need I follow up a suicide note with this? Simply put, this is a place to set out my writing There's no difficult planning involved, it's just getting my to write I am a writer after all Perhaps I'm making this as a way for me to look back on in a few years and see how far I've come I may bring the cubes to work tomorrow and practice them Is this going to be a journal or something more? In case this is a journal, it snowed today, truly snowed for the first time this winter It reminds me of what the sn...

 fuck being alone fuck the idea that nobody can bear the thought of being around you fuck the people that push you away fuck the ones that never gave you a chance fuck the painful reminder that you'll never be normal fuck never having anyone that ever made you feel wanted fuck being alone *** is it cell phones, the distraction to keep you from doing the very thing it was created for? hide away in the shadow of comfort as you watch the world leaves you behind creating the fantasy that the pieces will fall into place for you, only to be let down because you were afraid or didn't know how to try left alone for so long that anything normal makes you think you're insane lonliness is a painful thing i wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy you can be beaten, torn to shreds inside and out, but as long as you have a friend, as long as youm have a family to lean on, you can heal from anything if you have no one, all you can do is beat yourself up, destroy yourself from the inside out...